Max – my best friend, loyal companion, family member and marketing-sidekick.

Firstly, this is not (of course) a promo message.

This is my way of trying to cope with my loss and also let you know what happened as I know many of you loved Max too having seen him in my videos over the past 10 years.

You may find this upsetting.

You may (frankly) not even give two hoots.

Either way:-

I need to write this email.

It’s perhaps selfish of me to impose in this way but I’m doing it anyway.

It feels right.

Email writing is my channel for experiences in my life (in case you hadn’t noticed) and if it can help me heal even a little and impart something of value to you too then it’s worth a shot.

Afterwards I will try my utmost to return to normal by throwing myself back into what I do best – internet marketing.

But until then I need to do this…

It was around 11 o’clock yesterday morning and I was sitting at this very desk in my little home office where Max and I hang out.

He was in his soft, green bed as usual and I was busy working away on some email copy.

Then I heard him kinda yelp and turn over onto one side suddenly.

Sometimes he does this when he’s dreaming but this was different.

I rushed over to him and his eyes were glazed, he was breathing erratically and I instinctively just held him and started crying out his name.

Noises and emotions came out of me I can’t even describe.

I held him in my arms as the life faded away from him.

I told him I loved him over and over.

Then he kind of jerked a little and did a half-bark – I thought maybe he had snapped out of whatever it was.

And then he was gone.

Time stood still.

For God knows how long I just lay there with him, stroking him and trying to process what had just happened.

I didn’t want to let go.

Back in the day I used to sometimes snuggle down with him and listen to his beating heart.

It was a really soothing thing to do.

I knew I had to rest my head on his chest again and do it one last time.

But I was afraid.

Afraid that joyous beating heart had gone eternally silent.

It had.

I called my wife (she was out with the kids) and we agreed it best I take Max to the vets for cremation so the kids didn’t have to see him like this.

So their lasting memory would be one of life, movement and fun.

He was so heavy I needed to drag him in his bed from my office into the garage to the trunk of the car.

I stopped for a moment as he lay there in his bed looking so peaceful.

It was beautiful yet horrible moment at the same time.

I lifted him into the car and made the solemn journey to the vets.

They collected him from my car and that was the last time I saw him.

And while I realize I must focus on the good, happy times I also need to process what happened yesterday.

In the space of just a few minutes my friend of 10 years was taken away.

So now, as I write this to you, there is a big gaping hole left in my life and in my office.

My twice-daily walks are no more.

And my constant doggy-shadow following me around the house all day every day are no more.

It’s sad.

But death is also life.

I take solace from the fact he went fast, the fact he had an awesome life and that he had someone who loved him right there when his time came.

I wish that for everyone.

R.I.P. Max.

You rocked.

 

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